People who judge upset me more than most anything else. People who judge whether a person is right with God or not and then bring upon themselves the authority to ACT upon such judgements...I think they are as much at fault as they whom they judge. Everyone makes mistakes. I can understand if the person's lifestyle and deliberate choices showed that they weren't even trying and didn't care to become better, but when you make judgements on someone who is obviously struggling and barely keeping their head above the water (AKA MYSELF)...I don't understand what heartless person could do something like that.
This only does more harm than good. It is very discouraging, rather then uplifting. I posted a single Facebook status in which I vented some angry feelings about something that was going on in my day, and it included abbreviations of words that were offensive. People commented on it, of course, and said some really helpful and encouraging remarks, nicely pointing out that I need to work on some obvious things. I appreciated those gestures of kindness and caring. I took them to heart, and moved on. Such is the life of any Christian. Different sins, different scenarios...but life is simply living to our best, sinning, learning, and moving on.
Everyone has issues, and we spend most of our lives dealing with them. I'm 20, and made a single Facebook post after a summer of improvement (I feel improved in some ways), and all of a sudden I've got my song leading taken away. That doesn't even make sense! If a person struggles, wouldn't the encouraging thing and uplifting thing be to let them show how much they truly love God? How much they care about him? It's not "mixed signals." It's a reality check for all those who think they have to hide their sins from the church and pretend that we're better people than we are. They see someone whom they know to be struggling get up and lead with a passion that rarely shows itself anywhere else, and THAT is encouragement that can scarce be found in any other context. But right now, I feel so discouraged, let-down, disappointed (not just in myself)...
I feel like a huge problem in the church is the idea that we all need to be such good examples for each other. This is a good attitude, but it can be taken too far. As a child growing up in the church, I would look at my life and see so much wrong with it, and I'd look at the preacher, the elders, etc. and see perfection. Literally. They would say they weren't perfect, but I could never see anything but. And I feel like, to some extent, a lot of the kids in the congregation felt this way. A huge percentage of youth members drop out of the church when they leave for school. It's a proven fact. But why? I won't try to address this issue right now, but something could be made better, I'm sure of it. I don't have answers, but I'm raising questions. Things I'd like to understand better. I want the church to grow and be a light to the world.
Being at college has been the best years of my life, mostly because I've been able to freely make mistakes and to grow. I meet people who are Bible majors at a Christian university who have struggled with way worse than I have...things they are still struggling with. Yet they are some of the strongest, most passionate Christian people I've ever met. NOT because they seem perfect, but because of the opposite. Because I can see my flaws in them, and I can see that I can still be a person with such passion for Christ.
Doesn't that make sense? We are a FAMILY. To BEAR one another's burdens. And I personally don't like to share my burdens when I feel like I'm the only one who has them, petty and "small" as they are. A lot of churches seem to be so "stuffy" and formal, that professionalism and the discouragement of expressing our feelings are all we can see from the outside looking in.
I am currently going to a church where I have TWICE now been discouraged in my walk with God, directly by the way two petty (wrong, but petty) outbursts of mine were dealt with. Yes, the reactions were done out of concern, but I don't feel that they were the right way to have been dealt with. Both issues I had forgotten about by the time they were brought up. This is a problem I have. It is something that will take some time to get past. It is so easy to post something or say something that shouldn't be said. I have trouble with that. I would rather not be kept from serving God while waiting for that day to come when I finally join the majority of people who have learned to sin in secret.
P.S. - I know I'm going to regret posting this...but I feel like it had to be said. I'm just worried that since it's so late tonight, I'll not say all that I wanted to and will not have explained myself well and have confused you all immensely. I apologize. These are just my scrambled thoughts.
